My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
