Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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