why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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