I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
