I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
