We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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