I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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