I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize