It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
