That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
