And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Panties = found
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