With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
