I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
