I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
