Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
