Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
send nudes
from the living room?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
