WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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