Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
