Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
