The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize