I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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