God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
