How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
