so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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