and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
