At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My bed is full of blood and feathers
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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