I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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