2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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