dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
