You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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