how can u be prego again
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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