My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Where is the hickey?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
