There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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