You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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