At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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