Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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