Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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