there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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