I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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