You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize