You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
