i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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