I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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