fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I could fuck to npr.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
