We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
