Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize