i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
