how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
