i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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