I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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