TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
