Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
