i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
