You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
