pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
