Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
