i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
