Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
