He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
