and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
