I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
