Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
