What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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