I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
