The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
