piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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