do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My balls are so social today.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
