someone get that fucking seahorse.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
