nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
