so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
