Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
