youre lurking in front of me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
