At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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