btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
