he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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