I am in a vortex of obligation.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
