my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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