In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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