You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
