my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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